It was a message from my mother yesterday morning.
“My daughter read the middle class, got up after this morning has been grinding grumble, just wear what clothes spent a dozen minutes, this piece is not good that piece. Also half a day refused to brush your teeth, and breakfast is not good, How to urge the reminder is not fast.I am in a hurry to work, anxious to roar her, and she cried.
I usually see child care books, know and friends to make friends, never had a temper with the child before, but today it is not hold back, I now particularly regret. How can you control your temper? Do you have any good way? ”
Similar to the message I often received, some children engage in damage was hit a small ass, some children do wrong was criticized, or the same as the mother, urging the roar of the dawdling children.
In short, all kinds of reasons lead to mother temper, made soon regretted self-blame, came to me and “confession”.
See this message, I always want to comfort my mother a few words: occasionally beat the child actually did not really much relationship, no need to be too nervous. Of course not always so, to try to adjust their attitude to control their own emotions.
Whenever you comfort someone else, I begin to be ashamed and feel that I sometimes do worse than my mother.
Many readers looked at my article, I guess I must be a good temper mother, always warm words to talk with the child, useful love and patience, never yell the child … …
In fact, I am a typical acute child, temper really good
In psychology, my temperament type should be biased towards bile quality, that is, the kind of poor emotional control. So, I can not help but roar toward the child, and occasionally playing small promise students small ass or small hand.
Countless parenting chicken soup tells us: mother can not be angry at the child. I was so disagreeing that. In my opinion, will be angry mother, is a good mother!
A few days ago the evening, to the small promise to read the book on the Yue Fei, the little guy is very interested in, kept asking me more.
The next day to send her to school, I think there is a car music Tuhong Gang sing “Jingzhong serve the country”, to tune out to listen to her. Evening school with her to pick her sister on the road, this song has been a single cycle.
“Jingzhong serve the country” is also a song I like very much, when singing to “Horseshoe South to the north,” I could not help but sing with a loud voice.
Did not think the small promise not only did not cheer for the mother’s voice, but rather loudly said: good nausea! Uh ~ ~ ~ (sound like words, simulated vomiting sound)
She just wanted to listen to the original song.
“Good nausea,” the word is not long ago with my sister to learn, even if I understand the child just say so, or feel a little sad.
Who is so happy will not be happy, even if she is their own children.
Although I will not talk with a four-year-old child, but it is necessary to let her understand my feelings, so I told her very seriously that I am very sad.
The child began to listen to the song at first, did not care about me, after about a minute to react, Qieqie asked me: “Mom, you are not happy?
I say yes. And then did not continue to talk with her as usual, nor through the car rearview mirror to smile at her, I try to make unhappy look.
See the child a bit overwhelmed, I think the purpose is almost reached, then told her:
“If you want to concentrate on listening to the original song, you can ask me not to sing, but should not say that I sing very disgusted.It is very rude to say that others are very sad to sing, others will be sad.
I may be too serious, the child listened to my words simply crying cry, quietly told me “sorry”.
Received a sister to return home on the road, car music or play this song, to the climax part of the sister also followed humming up. I heard the small promise, said: “Good … … sister you do not sing it?
Sister asked why, small promise that want to hear the car to sing. Sister said understanding, they no longer sing, and switch to my phone brush to go to the public.
I know little promise almost blurted out that my sister “so sick”, the key moment she hold back. I set a thumbs up in the rearview mirror.
Friends of the daughter of the kindergarten class, one night after washing my mother and other stories, but my mother was in front of the mirror skin care.
She smiled and asked her daughter, “Do you think your mother is beautiful?” The child was waiting a little impatient, and deliberately said, “ugly!”
A friend listened to the special angry, she and her daughter said: “other children feel that their mother is very beautiful, but you said I am ugly, I am not happy.
So that night, friends determined not to tell the story of the child, or even unwilling to pay attention to her, the child is very sad, apologized to the mother several times. And then never said my mother ugly mother stupid kind of words.
Friend’s practice I do not comment, I believe that most of the mother can not do so, but she expressed to her child is not happy I agree with.
Everyone has emotions, mother is no exception. Some things I like, some time I am very bad mood, some things will make me happy, some behavior will anger me.
Our emotions contain many unruly rules and bottom lines.
The child is like a piece of white paper, there is no rules above no radius. What can be done, what can not be done, these rules and boundaries need to be slowly established.
Children have two main ways to master the rules, one is our words and deeds, and second, the children themselves to explore the test.
Mom’s emotional feedback, is to help children to establish rules and the bottom line.
We are angry, the child will understand: This is the mother’s bottom line, after the line can not be cross.
Mom to the child temper, you can let the children learn to empathy, learn to respect and understand others. And the child’s behavior blindly tolerant understanding, the child will never learn to empathy.
Some children do not like to eat something to throw to their parents, an unhappy on the parents punched and kicked, and parents have been child care chicken soup bound, determined to “can not” toward the child temper.
I can hardly imagine that such a child will grow up after filial piety.
On the other hand, if the mother always forced himself can not lose his temper, then the bad mood long-term lack of catharsis, is not conducive to mother’s physical and mental health.
Appropriate temper “hair” out, do not accumulate no fermentation, physical and mental health of the mother to better love children.
Will be angry mother, is a good mother!
Of course, this “will” have two meanings, a layer is possible, yes, that is, my mother can be angry towards the child; another layer means the skills, that is, the mother to know how to temper.
“Will” temper, never hysterically yelled, but not to vent their emotions to punched and kicked. To the child temper, to comply with the following principles:
1, right thing is not right
We should be on one thing, to express their feelings to the children, criticize the children do not right. But must not therefore the child’s personality and character to evaluate, for example, the child is stupid, silly, bad and the like.
2, do not turn the account does not involve
Do not turn on old money and do not involve other things. For example, the child lied, we lost his temper, and criticized him to lie like this thing, do not criticize him yesterday, playing a child.
The purpose of temper is to hope that children correct the shortcomings, or put an end to the next time to do the same wrong.
If you turn the account and involves a number of aspects, will let the children can not tell the focus, and reduce their own evaluation, loss of confidence to correct the shortcomings, and even produce broken jar break the psychological.
3, rational not sound high
The temper of the child, the focus is to express their feelings, rather than the children as our outlet tube.
Loud roar will only let the children into panic, thus ignoring the right thing is right or wrong.
4, do not Buyiburao
Everything to be enough, the temper of the child is even more so.
Must not be unreasonable, or may give the child a lot of negative effects.
5, can not be frequent temper
Occasionally, the child is angry, the child will be aware of the seriousness of the problem, and thus determined to correct. If you always get angry, the child is accustomed to.
Too much trouble, the frequent temper of the mother, is simply a child’s disaster.
6, not in front of outsiders temper
Children also have self-esteem, also need to “face”, try not to face the child in front of outsiders temper, otherwise the child will be angry.
When the child to focus on the “anger”, it will not see the problem, which is counterproductive.
In short, will be angry mother, is the flesh and blood, a temperature attitude, the real kind of mother!