What is real kindness?

A very respected female writer, said something good things.
She and her husband take the child and go to the park and shake the car. Through the square, see the bit begging the elderly, in front of a broken basin, inside only a few coins.
Female writers Dunsheng compassion, thought, people at the beginning, the nature of good. My baby is particularly loving, see the beggar this poor look, will definitely take out the money immediately. So ask the child: baby, we use your car to shake the car, to the grandfather to eat well?
– never imagined, the child did not hesitate to shook his head, loud answer: bad!
Hey, female writer anger, the heart that you bear a child, ye so no love Nie?
No, today, we must educate our children.
So women writers and wind and rain, threatened threatened, forced the child promised to shake the car to the money, to the beggar grandfather. Unexpectedly want the child to say nothing wrong. Stalemate, the husband side of the persuasion: you quickly save province, if the child finished sitting shake the car, the money there is left, you let him offer love, he is no two words. But you want him to take the money to shake the car out, this is called tiger mouth teeth, he will not agree.
wrong! Female writers more really: kindness, is to sacrifice their own interests, to help others. Because of love, so talent becomes rich. You look at the side of the teacher, look at those who pick up garbage for the living, but adopted many orphans. If the money is more qualified to do good, these actions and how to say?
The husband replied: This is called noble, it is precisely the ordinary people can not reach the realm.
Can not reach, female writer anger, and continue to work for the children. Eventually the child fighting her, tearfully throw in the towel – because the family in front of beggars toss too long, beggars are almost crying.
Female writer is very satisfied, educate the child said: seeking high, seeking low in the low. If there is no noble pursuit of your heart, you may never have a noble possibility.

Here, the woman writer gave a good definition:
Kindness is the heart of the pity, is the expense of their own interests, take care of others.
This definition is really right?
A few years ago, a friend told a story:
That there is a man, very honest, very compassion – but as the father as enemies.
Friends and so on, want to match his father and son. He was flatly rejected.
He said, his father, is actually a very soft person. A child, the family is not good to open the pot. Father of the unit, divided into ten pounds of flour, the whole family overjoyed, that finally have to eat – but never imagined, the father of a full ten pounds of flour, all given to a lonely old man.
Did not have to eat, the family hungry, but also constitute his reason to hate his father.

One summer, his sister and another kid, wild swimming drowning. At that time my father was around. To see the father jumped into the water, as long as a hand, you can pull her daughter on the shore. But the father no matter, but any daughter sink to the water, only struggling to swim to distant children.
Distant children were saved, their own daughter, but alive drowned.
This happened, the father won the title of courageous. And his wife, witnessed her daughter’s body, was mad on the spot.
Since then, the son of the son, never refused to forgive his father – because he did not think his father’s behavior, is a kind of good.
This is the father, the expense of his daughter.
– but everyone knows that this sacrifice is not good, no!
This is out of the way evil, is to abandon the most basic human relations, as the blood of the family for the cruelty of nothing.
Kindness, really not sacrifice so simple.
Goodness requires boundaries.

I am in my hometown in my hometown. At that time the village is barren, sweet potato is the survival of food. But the village of sweet potatoes are often digging, the village arranged vigorous young people, take turns care – but the theft behavior, always hard to extinct.
Later the village anger, quietly engaged in a secret action, with a few reliable people, ambush in the vicinity of the sweet potato, the night will be captured by thieves.
Caught in the village is a hands and feet are not clean lazy. This person is strong and strong, is reluctant to work hard. Only in the digging sweet potatoes, still relatively fight.
Thief was captured, involving the village a very good young man, the future is destroyed.
This young man, who is smart, also called good, has been guaranteed to read the university. Before the school he and everyone care sweet potato land. So clever, thieves digging sweet potatoes, just by his encounter – see everyone are acquaintances, young man heart of a soft, just open eyes closed eyes, no sound Zhang.
As a result, wait until the thief was arrested, the mouth blame the young man. Said that if the young man was to stop him, he had long quit. All blame the young man, causing him not to steal are embarrassed.
Young man no longer clear, and the transfer of university qualifications were canceled, was also suspected that he is a thief associates.
Young man angry tears, squatting in the corner grunting non-stop: kill the fire gold belt, repair bridge paving no corpses. Kindly did not report, the wicked live thousands of years … … the village passed, Nuhe heard: to help people steal things, which is also well-intentioned? Others kill you knife, this is not good, called sin!
– kindness is not complicated. However, some people understand the kindness, not as good as the village head.

Kindness is not defensive, conscience has a border.
Keep the family, outside only evil.
Young and young, as well as young people. Old and old, and old man. Take care of their own family, have spare capacity, and then help others – this is the family affection.
Not to kill the murderer, can not help the rapist to hold the victim, can not find drugs for drug addicts, can not condone the abuse of others – this is outside the evil.
The more the boundaries, the stupid is evil.

It is common to be foolish.
Writer has a fine article “just want you to pay the people, the sooner the better.”
Article, the evening said her a little aunt, kindness to the heinous. I do not know what the wrong medicine, the little aunt on a family, especially good. And that family home it, then pedal nose on the face, to see the little aunt who clothes good, they asked to buy one, the little aunt do not say nothing to pay for each other to buy. The other side of the elderly at home sick, so that the little aunt to pay the elderly to see a doctor, aunt also no regrets.
But then one day, this family, let the young aunt to take their old man to see a doctor. Just aunt to send their children to school, which people can quit, and must be small aunt throw away the child to meet their own.
This time, the little aunt resolutely refused. And finally send their children to school, did not promise each other’s request.
The other side of anger, that the little aunt is not good, no longer pretend to be hypocritical little aunt.

– the evening said, desperately let you pay people, there will always be more waiting for you, as long as you have a little let him dissatisfied, they will be rage, you all kinds of accusations.
It ‘s fine at all right – but who makes these people more.
Is the lack of the concept of the concept of aunt. Everyone must be responsible for his own life. Little aunt with these people do not stick with relatives do not bring it, but it is the other side of the things swept over. This process is not good at all, only the boundaries of friends blurred and dislocation. You can help others, but can not sweep their lives. Missing distance and sense of proportion, the so-called good to lose meaning.
Kindness, keep the family, outside only evil, but also respect the boundaries of friends and relatives.
So, back to the first story, the woman writer raised the question: in the end we should not, forced the child to shake the car to the money, give beggars?
Female writer Bi Shumin, answered the question.
Female scholar Bi Shumin, who has received an overseas charity.
She took the guests, walked through the subway, to see the steps on the front, lying on an old beggar, bitter expression, dirty clothes. One leg disability, exposed miserable carrion, flies buzzing in the fly. At that time Bi Shu-min on the tears, the poor old man, how worthy of sympathy ah.
To see overseas charities, big step to the elderly went over.
Bi Shumin and moved, Wow, is indeed an international charity, which will offer love spicy.
– never imagined, overseas charity, and did not take out love. But loudly beggars said: Please let you open, you block the way of others.
Beggars old man listened, and then quickly spread out the body point, occupy a larger position on the steps, so that we can not notice him.
Charity people are unmoved, Li shouted: Please leave here, you can beg, but can not hinder others.
Old beggar turned a disdain of the supercilious, meaning that: I am weak I am reasonable, I am afraid I am afraid of who?
See the beggar refused to leave, charity people went straight to the subway staff, said: there is a beggar, hinder the traffic, please urge him to leave.
Bi Shumin can not stand: Hey, but you charity yeah, do not pay down the fills, guilty to drive people?
The other answer: people in the abjection, the begging is not shame. But to impede the way others, blocking the pedestrian must pass the road, this does not respect the practice of others, is evil beggar. Begars should have mercy, but good deed should be protected. In a tyrannical way, Oppress the senses of others, assert others all, this is a threat to good! Succumb to the threat, will only contribute to evil, but deviated from the good wishes!

Give you kindness, tie up the wisdom of the barrier.
The most need to protect, is your kind heart.
Those who love you, those who hate you Good deeds, evil and malicious move. Is the original meaning of goodness.
– We encourage children to give alms to beggars, but do not force them. If you force the child, the young child can not understand this behavior, in his naive cognition, will think that the beggar is higher than his presence. After the child’s life, will be trapped in a humble state.
– We encourage ourselves to help our friends, but always remember that friends are friends and their own. Your good deeds are expensive labor and should be respected by both parties. Friends of the personality of self-reliance is the most valuable asset, should be careful care. If a friend respects you, you will not be free to take your labor, because it is a shameless deprivation. If you respect your friends, but should not pay in the form of free, to induce friends to develop a dependent psychological.
– keep the pro, stop evil. Good deeds are for the family to bring happiness to the behavior, the need for family sacrifice, is no longer good. Sacrifice the family to meet others, then the evil.
Kindness is the resources and power that you influence others and benefit others.
Since it is a kind of power, border consciousness is essential. Beyond the border, will be away from the good.

So that we can understand the good.

At any time, can not put their own ideas, impose on people – even their own children, you are not qualified to force him to pay.

Good is the natural nature of mankind, this nature, from the heart of wisdom and compassion. Such as Dean nuns, she lived a poor life for life, but for the poor dedication for life. But remember that the Mother Teresa is great because she has a strong financial ability, great compassion, great wisdom.

In the absence of enough wisdom, we can not understand the meaning of compassion, and even do not have enough economic capacity before the first positive efforts, self-improvement, so that their own strong, learn to live in harmony with the surrounding environment. Let yourself become a problem to solve the problem, rather than a need to solve the problem, this is our first step in good life. To complete this step, have the power and other words.